The $2 bill is the new gift card

Ever since I weighed in here on the fraud and fakery of gift cards, I've been thinking about how to untie the Gordian knot surrounding the thorny issue of giving people cash as a gift and the fact that it's psychologically equivalent, in most peoples' minds, to doing something obscene.

I've even had several members of my crack research team spending every [waking] moment of their 100-hour work weeks focusing on coming up with a solution to this problem before the next holiday season.

They did it — with plenty of time to spare.

Here's what you do:

1. Go to a bank

2. Ask for crisp, brand-spanking-new $2 bills (they have them, don't worry)

3. Give in lieu of gift cards — in multiples as indicated

The reason this works is that few people have ever seen a $2 bill (many of those under 20 or so don't even know they exist) so the novelty factor overcomes the crassness element.

From that point on you're money.

As it were.

FunFact: The gift card industry is booming, with sales during the 2005 holiday season totaling $18.5 billion, up from $17.3 billion a year earlier.

FunFact #2: I've yet to receive one of these (an alternative to a multitude of $2's)

but like the kid in Ronald Reagan's favorite anecdote said as he wielded his shovel in the manure-filled barn, "I'm know there's a pony in here somewhere...."