'View your monogram online!'

That's what it says in teeny, tiny letters in an April 10, 2006 New Yorker ad for John Christian, a company specializing in monogrammed jewelry.

I went to the company's website, ringbox.com, but was completely bewildered by its dreadful home page.

I had the crack research team investigate to see if they could unearth the monogram maker which, like the proverbial pony in Ronald Reagan's favorite story, I knew must be in there somewhere.

Took 'em a while but they found it.

Go here, then scroll down to where it says in red "New feature!" and "Click here."

I think I'll email John Christian with a million dollars worth of free advice — yes, I know you're shaking your head and saying they won't even be getting good value if I call it my two cents worth, but I don't have time to deal with negativity just now — to wit: put the words "Monogram Maker" up at the top of the home page with a direct link to the feature.

Sometimes people have something wonderful but simply don't know how to wrap their package.

That's what you pay me the big bucks for.

Me, I prefer the block style (top).